Childhood Hunger to Feeding the Community | Starting a Food Pantry and Learning to Slow Down & Let Go

Audrey shares her amazing journey of starting a successful food pantry to feed the community and the unexpected letting go process led by the Lord. It started with a whisper from the Holy Spirit on a mission trip in Haiti - even though Audrey is a nurse, she felt called to serve her community with food. A part time ministry grew into a full-time food pantry and farm (raising chickens, cows, and pigs, growing fruits & vegetables, and producing local honey) serving over 70 families each week. With growing up in many different homes and often experiencing hunger in childhood, Audrey understands the importance of helping care for families that don’t have an abundance of resources. That is why it was such a surprise when Audrey felt a nudge to slow down. It was this unanticipated nudge which helped prepare Audrey & her family for something they never could have seen coming - a car accident. Through the recovery process, Audrey has been learning to slow down and let go.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:12

Hey friends, welcome to the Only God podcast, where we share stories only God can write. I'm your host, Stephanie L. Jones, and each episode we'll dive into powerful testimonies, have great conversations, and encouragement that remind us when the impossible happens, it's only God. Let's get started. Hey friends, it's Stephanie here with another episode of the Only God podcast, sharing stories only God can write. And today I'm here with my friend Audrey. Hey Audrey! Thank you for joining us today. So I always ask my guests to start with our Only God connection. How did we meet?

SPEAKER_00 0:57

We met several years ago through another ministry called First Fruits. You dropped off school supplies. We were doing a school supply drive for kids going back to school. And I remember just meeting you, and I thought, oh my word, she's so sweet. I think we met in the evening, like after hours. So my husband said, Hey, who came by? And I said, I don't know this woman named Stephanie, and she was just so sweet and so light. Um and I said it was really neat. She just wanted to give, and that was that. Um and he was like, Oh, that's cool. Um, and then through different circles, we kept sort of coming back around to each other, each other. So through church, um, they have different ministries, and so I saw you more and more. I learned more about the giving gal. Um, and now when I tell people about my friend, they're like, Oh, Stephanie Who? And I said, The giving gal. So that's how I know you. I don't know that you really have a last name anymore. It's just I know.

SPEAKER_01 1:52

You know, I always said is God gave me the giving gal. Really, I mean, he did give that to me. I didn't give that to myself, but I say, God gave me the giving gal because I have a generic last name. And so it's like, you know, it's like Stephanie Jones is like, no, the giving gal. And I just remember when I came out to the farm, and I'm sure you'll share that today, is you guys were in the infancy stages, and just yes, at the giving gal, is I was always just looking for new opportunities in our community to get involved. And what I found is when you look for those opportunities to get involved, then you meet cool people, and then, like you said, is God just kept on? We showed up in different places, and and so it's been cool just to see. Um, and at the time I didn't know that we went to the same church, and uh, so that's been cool too. Um, so I would love to just open it up for you to share your only God story, and uh, if I have any questions, I'll ask.

SPEAKER_00 2:48

Okay. Um, so I mentioned earlier how we met was through First Fruits Gives. Um, that's a ministry that my husband and I felt led to start, and that was December of 2019, um, so seven years ago. Um, I went on a missions trip to Haiti. I'm a nurse by trade, and so I went there with a medical missions team. There were seven of us ladies, and we just traveled around to rural villages. We treated, I want to say, probably seven or eight hundred people who came on foot, yeah, in those seven days that we were there. Um, and you know, missions trips, they're beautiful and wonderful and hard and messy. And at the end, all of us ladies were sitting in a circle, kind of doing our devotional, you know, what did you think of the trip? Um, and they said, What can we do once we get back stateside? You know, everyone's on fire, you're fully immersed. And so we were sort of going around the room of what we thought, and the Holy Spirit whispered to me, I want you to feed people. And so before I could really process it, I blurted out, I want to have a food pantry. And the girls were like, What? And I said, I don't know. I want to have a food pantry. And they said, Well, that's wonderful, but it's not really in line with, you know, medical needs and nursing. And I thought, oh, okay. So I went home and I told my husband all about the trip, and I told him about what I had heard um from the Lord, and he said, Okay, let's let's see what we where we can help. Um, and that's just like my husband to love me enough to jump right in with both feet. So we started asking around. Yeah, we started asking around um, where can we serve? We just sort of wanted to slide in somewhere and maybe help people. Um, I worked full time, so did my husband. We had three little kids. So I went to our church, Calvary, and I asked um one of our ministry leaders, Victoria, hey, you know, is there a place we can jump in? And she told me about Valpo Schools has a backpack program. They give um free and reduced lunch kids. Um, you know, they're sort of on the lower income side. They give them an inconspicuous backpack on Friday. It's full of non-perishable snacks, easy to carry, easy to make. Um, they take it home, it's for them and their family, and then on Mondays they bring it back. And I thought, oh, that's perfect. You know, that's great. Just we have enough time to put some things in a bag or donate things. Um, so she said, Yeah, ask maybe if your school has that. My kids go to Washington Township, and I thought, great. So we had a meeting with the principal, and he said, We don't have that, but I love it. Do it.

SPEAKER_01 5:18

And so my husband and I'm like, but we love how God works sometimes. It's like, you're actually gonna be the one to do it, not just like help out.

SPEAKER_00 5:27

And that was our intent, you know, just let's give somewhere or, you know, let's feel like we're doing something. And so we thought, oh my word, okay. So we went home and we prayed. Um, and we just thought, you know what, that's something we can do. We can pack small bags of food. Um, we had a line item in our budget for the building project at our church, and our commitment over three years was done, but we still had that line item, you know, earmarked for the church, and we thought, okay, that'll be our kind of seed money that'll start it. So we started with five families just at our dining room table. We just had bags, kind of cooler bags that were light, and we filled with snacks and non-perishables, um, just for five families every week. And we thought this is cool. Like, look what God is doing. He's funded it, you know, he's given us kind of this insight on how to do it from other people, and then it exploded. So families were picking up from the elementary um office on Fridays. Their parents would come um and just pick up that bag, and then they would bring it back for the next Friday, and we just started growing. So I think that was in January that we set out those first five bags, and by the time summer came around, we were at about 20 families that we were serving every week. Um, and as school was about to close for the summer, we needed a new place to have people pick up. And so I told my husband, Well, you have a business in town, you know, can I have a section of it and people will come? And he said, No. And I said, Oh, they can come to our house and pick up. And he said, Absolutely no. So, so I thought, okay, let's try, you know. So we started praying again. Where can these people pick up? What's convenient, what's close? Um, we had a few different options. A church stepped in to stuff to help, and so did the fire station. Um, and then on Father's Day, my husband said, I want to show you something. And I thought, okay. So he um said, put on your boots and you know, come outside. And so I did. And he got we got in the car and I said, Where on earth are we going? And he took me to this barn. Are you leaving? Like, what? There you go. Right? You're too um so we got there and it was just this big um pole barn on 10 acres of land that a family had and they had been using as storage for you know, three of the siblings. Um, and I said, I don't understand what we're doing here. And he said, I think this would be perfect for the ministry. And I thought, well, it's very big. And he said, I know. He said, but I, you know, my business can rent part of it for equipment, storage. You know, we have some space to grow. It's a wonderful place right down the street from the school. And so I thought, okay. So again, we prayed over it and just started with our families picking up from there. And that was another one.

SPEAKER_01 8:11

I want to pause. I want to pause because you said this so casually, like, yeah, we got this barn and this 10 acres, and we just like bought it, and you know, like that was the next. I love it though, because you're explaining of like you prayed and God gave you the next step. You prayed and God gave you the next step. And so I want to point that out. I also want to go back to something, and this isn't to call these women out, but I think a lot of times as Christians or even non-Christians, is God can lay something on our heart that seems crazy, like way different than, like you said, I was a nurse, I say this out, and immediately we can kind of like poo-poo other people's ideas, like, no, yes, and uh, but your husband, so it's always important of who you marry, was the one who like said, like didn't say that was a crazy idea. And so I just really challenge people of if you're listening to this and you have a friend that is like, hey, I really feel like God told me this or whatever, don't be that person because I feel like so many times is like I love that you didn't listen to those women and you went and told your husband because I think a lot of times we do listen to people that are close to us, people that we trust, yeah. And then it's like what God has for us dies right there. Um, so, anyways, I just wanted to like point that out because I think it's an important part of your story, is you could have immediately went, like, yeah, that's right. Like, I'm a nurse and I'm just gonna go back and I've served here and go on my way.

SPEAKER_00 9:47

So exactly. I mean, that's that's a big part of um kind of who I am. I'm more of a people pleaser, so I feel like a lot of times I don't I don't say too much, or I really have to really trust you to say different things. And so that's why I feel like this whole thing was so much of the Lord because we were both working full-time. You we weren't in ministry. Our ministry there wasn't in food and feeding and helping. I mean, in a roundabout way, it was about nutrition. Um, but just asking the Lord, like, you know, what are you asking of me? And I think that came just with maturity and with knowing the Lord more, of saying, okay. I mean, it was the same thing with going to Haiti. I was scared out of my mind. I mean, I was physically sick in the few days leading up to it, to where I thought, this isn't, you know, this isn't a good idea. I had never traveled without my husband. This is way outside of my comfort zone. We had no idea what to expect. Um, and the Lord just said, follow me. And so I did. Um, and that's one of the beautiful things about my husband is that he he always says he's a big picture guy and I'm the detail one. So I joke that he, you know, runs along and has these huge and I run along behind, like, wait a minute, pick up the pieces like put all the details together, you know, make sure everything is organized. Um, but he has never told me that's silly or I don't agree with that. You know what I mean? I feel like he's just been such a good cheerleader and a good prayer partner to say, okay, let's see what God does. Um, he's also a mover, so he's not one that's gonna wait. He saw that there was a need and he thought, you know what, this fills both of those needs. I need a place to store, you know, rock and big equipment, and you can have the other part of it. Um and the beautiful thing about the farm was it was a big open pole barn, so we spent, goodness, probably a month just cleaning out. They took everything they wanted, um, and then we cleaned out and we sort of framed in different rooms. Um, and as we looked around, we were giving our families these just bags of groceries, which is a beautiful thing, but it was all non-perishable, things we could buy cheap and in bulk from Aldi. Um, and my husband was saying, What are these, you know, how are these people eating cereal? How are they eating macaroni and cheese? And I thought, okay, we need to make sure that the things that we're putting in this bag, they're able to make and eat. Um, so that brought about more of we need some fresh things, we need some dairy items. Um, and as we looked around the farm, those 10 acres were already parceled off. So there were paddocks for different animals. Um, when we first saw the place, another farmer had had been renting the land just, I guess, to run two or three bulls on. And I thought, my word, they're gigantic. But it never crossed my mind that the Lord would say, You're gonna raise them too. Right, yeah. Get some cows. Right? Let's fill this. So we started just with laying hens with chickens, which I thought this is, you know, hey, look at us, we're farming. It's cool. So um, it was a great icebreaker for our families when they came out. You know, they would say, Oh my word, the chickens are funny or they're cute, and you know, they were handled enough to where we could pick them up. So we started with laying hens. Um, then we got a barn cat who she's still there. She's a wonderful mouser. Uh, we had hogs. We went to about, I think at our most, we had eight head of cattle. We raised turkeys and meat birds. Um and the neatest thing about this is that I was still working as a nurse. Um, so I was working full-time and doing this ministry very part-time. As the ministry started to grow, I could feel the Lord calling me closer and closer to the ministry. So I went from working full-time to part-time, then from part-time to PRN, which just means in the nursing world, I want to say that's like three shifts every six weeks. So I was doing about one shift a week because I loved what I did. And then finally, about four years into the ministry, the Lord said, I need you here. And I thought, oh my word. You know, I went to school. I have all these initials behind my name. I've worked really hard to help support my family. And, you know, is this something that we can sustain? And again, my husband just listened and he said, I think we can make it work. And he said, But we're gonna pray about it. Um, and so we did, and so I ended up, I call it retiring. It was really just quitting my job. I still have my I could go back if I ever wanted. Um, but the Lord said, I need you here at the farm. So it grew eventually into us buying the next door parcel. So we were running 20 acres of land with an orchard and probably four acres of garden. Um, and we were feeding the families that we were serving. So at our highest, I think we were at 70 to 75 families per week, which is over.

SPEAKER_01 14:27

I love that. It literally went from the five at your table to 70 to 75 and like full-fledged farm of animals and orchard and gardens. I think you had like, didn't you have blueberries and watermelon and strawberries, cucumbers, and corn, yes, yeah, all the things.

SPEAKER_00 14:49

Um, and so he just continued to grow it. And every time I thought, Lord, that's too much for me. You know what I mean? Working and being a mom and being a farmer, Lord, this is too much for me. And he eventually cut out nursing, you know, and then I thought, okay, I can't run this many cattle, I don't know what to do, I don't know how to grow things well. He was giving that knowledge. So every single time I cried out and said, This doesn't make sense to me. You know, I I can't do this. He came along and said, I'm gonna give you the wisdom and the knowledge. Um, and a lot of that was from different community partners, um, different farmers that worked around us and lived around us. Um, I've always thought farmers were cool, but they're really amazing. It's still the best, right? Right? They're smart and they're kind and they're wise and they're respectful. Um, and a lot of them will still work on the barter system, which was wonderful for us because as a ministry, we didn't have, you know, a lot of resources. We had time and volunteers. Um, so we met a farmer who was um managing our honeybees for us. The farm was able to purchase the boxes, they came with the farm, so a volunteer cleaned them up and painted them. We got the different equipment needed for them, and then the farm bought, I don't know, the bee, the queen and the little friends or whoever they bring. And then we had um a guy locally that said, you know, I will run your bees for you. Um, I'll take, I guess when hives get too big, the queen will leave and she takes about half the hive with her. So he put up what are called swarm traps. So his payment was half the honey we produced, and then any of those colonies that went and made their own swarm in a different box. So that was a great way for us to get um not organic, but we knew it was pesticide-free, locally raised honey for the families that we serve, also for sale, and it blessed him in that he was able to take that honey and you know revive his hives.

SPEAKER_02 16:45

Right.

SPEAKER_00 16:46

We did the same thing with hay production. Um, we had huge fields of hay, probably eight acres total, or maybe more, I don't know, of our 20 that was just hay, and we didn't have the big equipment to cut it and to grow it and to bale it and to use it to feed our animals. But we had a local farmer friend who did. So he would come cut the hay twice a year, make sure it was growing well, and then he took half the hay as a payment and left half the hay for us. So there were so many great ways that the Lord just said, you don't have to do it all. I'm gonna give you the people that can do it. I just need you to continue to be obedient to what I'm asking you to do.

SPEAKER_01 17:24

I think that's so important because I feel like a lot of times when we know what God is calling us to do or that next step, but again, we get stuck in all the details and how am I gonna do this? And I don't have this knowledge, and it starts all the, you know, I'm like, that's the devil giving you all that doubt and distraction and fear and everything that is not of the Lord. Um, and you like, did you have any of those, like that doubt, fear, or distraction, or had God built up your faith where you're like, oh, he just keeps bringing the fire mart? Like, talk a little bit about that because I've heard your story so many times, and it does seem easy when you tell it, you know, it's like this, but I would love for you to share for that person to go, oh no, I had those things also.

SPEAKER_00 18:13

Yeah. So when we first started, um, like I said, it was just my husband and I, and a few different people heard about it and came to help. And I thought, you know, this is so small, like, you know, it I it's not a big thing. Um, and my friends will still tease me because I always say that I I love to watch God flex. It's my favorite thing about him. Um, and I I know he does it to me on purpose to probably help grow that patience, but he generally with me will wait until 11:59 p.m. when my deadline is midnight. And then he just steps in and absolutely rips his robes like the Hulk and just flexes huge and opens these storehouses of blessing that I didn't even know that avenue of blessing existed. Um, so there were a lot of times where I told Mike, hey, with what we have in our budget, we're gonna last about three more weeks, and that's all we can do. And so, you know, we would continue to pray and continue to work, and the Lord just came through every single time. There would be somebody who would have a huge food drive for us. Different schools held food drives, and I thought, okay, you know, now we have enough food. Um, but do we have enough animals to feed? Do we have enough money in our bank account to do these things? And the Lord stepped in time and time again. And what he showed me through that is um he actually taught me how to pray through the farm. Um, how I pray when I'm really in need is I pray with my hands open. Um, because it's a posture for me to believe when my hands are open, the Lord will fill them. What's according to his will, he's already given me. So that just postures my heart to realize I'm waiting for the Lord to fill my hands. The other thing he showed me about having open hands is that when you have a blessing in your hand that he's put there, it can't flow out to others if I'm holding it this tight and white-knuckled and saying, no, no, no, no, no, I have to keep this because I don't know what tomorrow brings. The Lord has said, everything is mine. I'm gonna put it in and I'm gonna let it flow through. And so that's been a huge lesson that he's taught me that he gives, but that we're also supposed to continue giving it out because nothing is ours eternally. You know, when we die, we don't take anything with us.

SPEAKER_01 20:30

Right. I gosh, there's so much there you said, is well, first of all, I got one of your shirts on, and it does have like those hands. Like you said, of like I look at it like those hands open, the gift is there, and you're just people are pouring in and going out. But I loved what you said is important, is like you said, I pray through it. Like, you know, and I think so many, so many times is we don't want to walk through that hard time, or we don't want to walk through it. And God's like, No, you need to walk through it. Like, that's how I grow your faith, that's how I grow perseverance. Like the Bible talks about all those things. Um, and then I love what you said on the giving piece and the holding. Like, I learned that on my giving journey over and over again, is I think, especially as I'll just speak to Americans, is we have so much. We and and you probably saw this when you went to Haiti, which is why I love mission trips, because then you really get to see like how much stuff we have. And it's like we hold tightly onto our things and our money, but there's so much joy if we can learn how to do this and just like, okay, Lord, you gave me these resources, I'm gonna give them away, and then trust that He'll continue to give and provide to you. I don't know. I love that you mentioned that because it is so true. And I just hope there's somebody on here that has like a lot of money or something, and they're like white knuckling it. It's like God has something amazing for you, but you have to be willing to give it up.

SPEAKER_00 21:56

Yes, because we can't receive with closed hands and we also can't give. With closed hands. And that's something a lot of this, like when you know, we were talking about we've prayed and the Lord continues to provide and grow. The coolest thing about the farm was that we had no idea what we were doing. This was not when people would say, like, oh my word, will you teach me, you know, how to breed a goat and raise them? No, I can't. I don't know. I mean, and that was, it was both humbling, but it was also every single thing on those 20 acres of land only pointed to the Lord. There's no other explanation for, you know, going from two people who are working and just trying to support a family to, hey, now we're farmers and we're run a ministry. There was no qualification. There was no, you know, studying. Um, people ask about our gardens, and I would say, I call it plant and pray. I put things in the ground, and if the Lord wanted them to flourish, they flourished. And then I thought, praise the Lord, let's give this away. Let's do that again next year. If we put it in the ground and it died, I thought, well, you know, that was a sign. We're not supposed to grow that. We won't do it next year. Um another resource we had was a friend who lived down the road, and he um is Mike's very first neighbor when Mike moved to Valparaiso from DeMont when he was like 20. And he has always done seed starts and growing plants in his spare time. It was always a hobby. And John really took me under his wing for years and years and just he was so patient with me. I kept saying, What are you gonna block my number? Because I just had questions and needs, and he just gave us his knowledge. Um, he wasn't too quick on his feet, so it was hard for him to move around and work in the garden. But what he could do was sit and teach me how to start start seeds, how to water, how to get them to grow, when to put them in the ground. And then what he would do is he would drive around my garden and say, That needs watering, this looks great, you know, maybe let's not put that there next year. And so the Lord really just opened up these relationships where we thought, hey, we like these people, but then it was, oh my word, you have so much information and so much knowledge. Um, so we were able to point back those relationships to the Lord, but also that nothing we were doing was of our own accord. Every day there was something new, there was always something different or something that he was trying to teach us. Um, and I think another neat thing about the farm is that what the Lord brought me through growing up, he completely rectified in my adult life.

SPEAKER_01 24:31

So can you share about that?

SPEAKER_00 24:34

So growing up, I um had two parents who were both addicts, um, a lot of mental illness in the family. There were generations of um sexual and emotional abuse before my parents. And so, really, it was just sort of the perfect storm for them to really not have a good grip on parenting and being adult. Um, I think I lived in 23 homes or places before I was 18. A lot of times it was, you know, motels or friends' houses or cars. Um, and I remember thinking as I grew up, this is so dysfunctional and this is so unfair. You know, I went to bed a lot hungry or scared. Um, my parents were gone a lot. They would either have gone on a bender or they would be arrested. Um, and so a lot of my upbringing was just trying to survive. Um, so I was hungry. I, you know, we were dirty and we smelled. We were those kids in school, but when you're young, you can't do anything about it.

SPEAKER_02 25:31

Right.

SPEAKER_00 25:31

Um, and so through the farm, I was able to really see people in a different way, I think, because I had been through that. I was able to see what their needs are in a holistic way. So we're not just trying to give you a bag of food. We also want to make sure that we're meeting your needs as we can. So we want to make sure that they had laundry detergent, a place to wash their clothes. Um, we wanted to make sure that they had toiletry, so deodorant, and things like that. So we really tried to meet them where they were at and have compassion. Um, it's easy to say, oh, they have a nicer car, or, you know, oh, they seem like they're put together or their phone is really nice. But something we learned was that that might have been a gift, you know, or one woman we were like, my husband said, Wow, she kind of drives a nicer car than you do. And I thought, oh. But I said, Listen, the Lord isn't asking us to be the judge of these people, he's telling me to feed and do what he's called me to do. And that was one of our mottos was the Lord is asking us to give a certain amount. What you do with that gift, you have to answer for. Um, because our main focus was those kids that didn't really have a choice or a voice in the situation. Um, and so we were really trying to meet needs holistically, and that's how you and I met. I remember going back to school when I was younger, and I dreaded it because I wanted to be at school because it was a safe place. It was warm, and you know, my teachers seemed to care. I was able to eat free lunch or free breakfast. Um, I never knew what I was going home to, so I liked to be there. Um, but that first week of school was always hard. I didn't have new shoes, I didn't have supplies. You know, I was one of those kids where the teachers were kind of like, okay, you know, here's another Steiner kid. Let's make sure they have what they need to start the school year. So that's something that the Lord laid on my heart is those back to school. Let's get each kid a new backpack full of brand new supplies with a new pair of shoes. That way they walk in the building like everybody else does.

SPEAKER_02 27:29

Right.

SPEAKER_00 27:30

It's not about the things, but when you're little and in need, those things seem really huge.

SPEAKER_01 27:36

So well, and it's starting off uh at a disadvantage, you know, like and it doesn't even matter how smart you are, it's like walking in there and knowing that something's different, you're different, I don't have, and then that I can't imagine like that stress of knowing, like, oh, I need a notebook, I need you know, these things, and you don't have that. Like, I don't know, I just think mentally. Um, and then you talked about the judgment, and I'm glad you brought that up of because it is even, and I've I've done it. I mean, we probably all have done it, have looked at somebody's car or clothes or nails or phone, whatever it is, fill in the blank. And what I feel like the Lord brought to my mind is a lot of times you were probably feeding them not the physical, but feeding them the compassion, feeding them the word of God, preaching the gospel without, you know, preaching the gospel just through their actions. And a lot of times that's what people need is that nobody's loved on them, nobody has showed them compassion, and that can change the course of someone's life, also. Um, and so I don't know, that just pops in my head because you guys do that so well with everybody that came through your door. Um, also, too, is I love um, I was just thinking about like the community that you guys or God really, I mean, you know, has built. And you talk about that only God of bringing you John, you know, like this guy that has an expertise here and this farmer, but it really does take a community to do what you guys have done. And did you have experience? Like, I know you have a lot of volunteers and have raised funds. Like, do you want to talk a little bit about like how did you do that? Did that scare you? You know, you've talked about the farm and how God provided there. What about the other side of the ministry?

SPEAKER_00 29:32

Um, that again is just sort of this organic coming together of people. So we started with um several people that we knew, but they were working um and they helped as much as they could. And then we I have um our pantry at first, again, it was just bags of groceries, and people came, they would sign up for the list. I put their coat on the bag. The only thing different was if there was an allergy. You know, we can't have weed or whatever it was, but everybody got the same things. Um, and generally I was around, but a lot of our families, you know, they want to grab their bag and leave. They don't want to stop and talk. And I thought, boy, I just I want to hug everyone and I want to know their story, and I just want them to be seen and loved. And not everybody wants a hug and to tell you their life story when they're in need. Um, and this was another wonderful idea of my husband's. He has a business mind. I was talking to him before Christmas one year, and I said, Boy, it would really break my heart if people went home with these bags of groceries and they threw stuff away or it went bad because they didn't like it or wouldn't eat it. And my husband said, I wonder if we can set up the pantry as more of a store. So before, when they were just picking up the bags of groceries, I had volunteers come throughout the week that would help stuff the bags, but we weren't that big. Um, and then nobody really had to man that room. I was around and we had a camera so I could see and sort of be there-ish without being intrusive. Um, so that Christmas, that's the only time of the year that we shut down. We would give our families two or three bags of groceries, and then we took that two weeks that our kids were off school. I say we took them off, but farm animals don't really, you know, give you a big one.

SPEAKER_01 31:10

You're still farming.

SPEAKER_00 31:11

Yeah, we were still around, but we weren't doing the bags that week. We made sure their needs were met, but that everybody sort of had time. So over one of those breaks, we turned our pickup room into a storefront. So we had a freezer, we had a refrigerator, and shelves, and our families would get a grocery list. They were always the same items, but then they had the autonomy to walk around and to shop. So instead of them getting rice krispies because that's what was in their bag that week, they could choose from a selection of cereals. They could choose a breakfast item and what kind of canned fruit they like or what kind of vegetable. Um, and so once that started to happen, I told my husband, I said, Well, now this needs to be manned, um, just because there's so much here. Right. And not that we were nervous that somebody, you know, would take too much. We just wanted to make sure that everybody was doing, everybody got what they needed in the same way. Um, and so I had several volunteers that came. I have six ladies that work in the pantry faithfully every single Friday. They cover the shifts between noon and five. And after a few years, we all looked at each other and we were like, How did we even meet? Like, how it was one of those things where one is the mom of my best friend from high school, and she just came by one day and was like, What are you doing here? You know, can I help? And another one, I heard about you from church. They came out one time to volunteer, and it just stuck. So um we really had a wonderful group of just these eclectic people, all different ages, all different uh mindsets and what they wanted to get out of it, what they wanted to put in. Um, and everybody really thrived where we put them. So I told people they would want to come and volunteer on the farm, and I always said, come for a tour first. Oh, that's all I want from you. Just give me an hour, which usually turned into two or three, because I can talk about Jesus and animals all day long. But I just said come and look around because there's so much to do that I want you to flourish. I don't want you to dread your volunteer work or think, ugh, I gotta go out there again because I said I would. So I would show them around and then I would just say, you know, where do you feel the Lord leading you to? Are you a wonderful coupon or do you love to shop? Do you like to organize? Would you like to be in the back? You know, do you not want to see people? Would you rather deal with animals than you would talking to a person? Um, and so that was really wonderful is that people would come and then they would find a place that they would thrive. And a lot of our people sort of made their own job descriptions, which is wonderful. Um, I have people that will come out. A guy named Mark works for us, oh my word, all the time. He's a retired mechanic, he's a tinkerer, he's incredibly smart and driven. And he just said, I again, I told him, one of these days you're gonna block my phone number because you're gonna be tired asking for help. And he said, No, you're really saving me. He said, Because I'm retired and I'm bored and I love what you're doing. But he just really jumped in with both feet. He was able to do what he sick, you know, what he excelled at and what really blessed us. So looking back, there's so many times when I think, gosh, now we're so close and I have no idea how we got that close.

SPEAKER_01 34:18

Oh my god, only God. Right. Well, and I want to comment on that because I think you said something that is important. And uh, if you're, you know, somebody that leads a ministry, whether and you don't have to, it could be at a church, you lead a ministry or a nonprofit, whatever, fill in the blank, or even in business, is I love that you align people with their strengths, and there's science and research behind that. I actually have a coaching certification in that, and there's so much to be said because if people are in doing what is their weaknesses or things that they don't like, they become disgruntled, unproductive, they don't want to show up to work. Like, there's all this stuff. And so I love that you gave them the big picture, you didn't tell them what to do. And I think that's probably one of the reasons why your ministry has been so successful because people are like, hey, this is my strength, this is how I can use it. Um, and you're like, okay, go go organize. Or I know you guys do baking day or you know, cooking days. And um, so I I love that. And I love that you haven't put people in boxes and people see a need and like, hey, this is how we can jump up. So that's really, really cool that you've been able to do that and probably how the ministry has grown because of um, you know, you doing that. I want to switch a little bit. Uh, so where are you at now? Where's the farm at? And and what are you up to? And uh yeah, maybe this will be kind of our last part of our conversation here. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:53

Um, so last December, our farm, um, that would have been our seventh year, that was our seventh year finishing. Um, and we were in an amazing spot. We um had more volunteers than we could use most days. Um we had money in the bank enough that we wouldn't have to do any kind of fundraising for three or four years. Um, we were helping serve a need. Um, so we were really flourishing in where we were at. And over the past year and a half, I'd heard the Lord whisper, slow down. And I thought, you know, okay, I've got some more volunteers, but I really want to try this, and you know, this is going really well. We should keep going. And I heard him slowly whisper, you have to slow down. And so I didn't really know what that meant. Um, and then in August of 2024, I was in a horrible car accident. So um I was traveling to one of our places at the lake, and someone disregarded a stop sign, and we were both going 50 to 60 miles an hour, and he T-boned the front end of my um Dodge Ram 2500, and that's important because that truck and the seatbelt saved my life. Um, I had two kids with me and one of our dogs, and we rolled four times, and it broke my sternum in three different places, and it broke my ankle in half. Um, my kids were fine, they had some bumps and bruises, but they were okay after that. So I was really happy that my front end, you know, my side took the brunt of that. Right. Um, and after that, it really there was a huge slowdown. So I was in a wheelchair for six or eight weeks because I couldn't use crutches with a broken chest um and with a broken foot. I couldn't um walk. So it really slowed down what we were doing. I looking back now, I say the neat thing about the farm and our volunteers were that nobody noticed that I was gone. Not in a mean way, but everything worked exactly the way that it should have. My husband stepped up to take care of me at home. He worked from home for months to be with me. Um, and our volunteers just stepped up. That accident happened on a Friday night. Our pantry continued on for that next Friday. We were in the middle of harvesting season. Um, I had a wonderful volunteer who was running our farm stand. So, really, none of our clients knew that anything had happened to me. So I praise the Lord that there were so many people who, like you said, excelled at what they did. They knew their role. And whether I was there or not, even weeks that I was there, they would come in and out, hey, I'm here to clean the kitchen, or you know, I really wanted to organize this. So all of that went on without a hitch, which kind of hurts your feelings, like at the same time, it was a huge blessing. I was able to just really be on my couch and recover. Um, so I had surgery on my ankle a week later and then had to go through physical therapy for that for about two months, and then I had surgery to repair my chest five weeks after the accident. So um, the break was so bad that they cut my sternum in half to put it back together with metal and wires and things like that. Um so after that, I took a long time to recover. I think I finally went back out to the farm probably in March, just to start slowly. Um, and I thought, this is wonderful, like I'm feeling better, I can get right back to it. I jumped in with both feet, you know, when both doctors said, no, you can return, I thought, yes. And I went whole hog and I just I just kept hearing the Lord whisper, it's too much. And I thought, no, you know, I'll go slow. That's a four-letter word to me. I have no idea what it means.

SPEAKER_01 39:28

That and rest are like my two, but uh rest is a lie in the Bible, you know? It's very biblical.

SPEAKER_00 39:38

So as I continued on, I mean, I couldn't be in with the cattle. I was nervous about getting bumped. Um, I was nervous about my foot. Everything just hurt all the time. Um, the Lord provided us with a wonderful farmhand who she was just a blessing from start to finish. She, I always said that she was what she was me. She did everything I would have done in the same way I would have done, I would come out and think, oh my word, I wanted to organize that, and she did it. So the Lord just really blessed that. But I kept hearing him whisper, I need you to slow down. Um, and so I thought taking a step back over the summer was slowing down. And then the three people that are probably closest to me, two girlfriends and my husband, they their opinion means the most to me. And they said, We feel like what the Lord is calling you to is what's right for right now. And so again, I prayed with my hands open. I said, Lord, this is your farm. This is absolutely your ministry, none of this is mine. Um, so I prayed over it with open hands and I said, If you take it from my hands, I'm gonna cry. I'll understand. I won't like it, but I'll understand. Um and he did. He slowly started to take things away. Um, like I said, we were in a wonderful spot. Most ministries close because they don't have people to serve, or there's just no money, or there isn't help. And we had all those things. And so that's why it was such a huge trusting from the Lord because when people said, Well, why? I said, I don't know, but he's asking me to stop. So, in the same way that he asked me to start, he asked me to stop quietly and gently, and he showed me different ways. Um so we slowly started to get rid of our animals. We um pared down our gardens last year, which we still had a bountiful harvest. Um, but wonderful people in our lives took all of our animals. Um and so it was it was sad, but it was really nice to see the blessings on them and to know they were going to the right place. Um and then finally we had our last pickup with our families on December 12th. So that was probably the hardest part because I didn't you never see like, oh, how will this end? Some things are you know, just quick, oh, I know I'm gonna help with this fundraiser and that'll be that. Um but for me, this was so much a part of my life that I, you know, when people say, Well, how did you see think it would end? And I said, I don't know, I just assumed I would bring it back. Um so that's been a huge step of faith is for me to step out and say, Okay. Um, and so I think that's been one of the hardest things that I've ever done is to have to let it all go, just because it was blood, sweat, and tears, and it was all the Lord. Um, and after we closed, I had a third surgery on my chest to take the metal out. My body was pushing it out because it just I guess wasn't supposed to be in there anymore. Um, and so I was really nervous about having that surgery, but the doctor said this might really help with your chronic pain. And I thought, if this doesn't help, I'm gonna be so mad. We had that surgery December 3rd, and again, a ton of our volunteers stepped in to make our very last pick up wonderful and beautiful. Um, we took Christmas as a family just to sort of rest and recuperate. And now the Lord has me pain free. Um, I'm able to run and lift and do all the things that I did before. Praise the Lord. I know. So he's brought through all of this just that obedience. He said, you know, I want to heal you, and he's also giving me rest. So I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be doing. This is a very weird spot for me. Um, my husband is excited that I'm home. It's nice for him to have a helpmate, you know, all the time. It's really nice for me and the kids just to have a different rhythm. Um, he challenged me not to volunteer for anything for three whole months. If you know me, that's really hard. Um, he's actually extended it to six months. He said, Let's see if we can get to June. Um, but what the Lord is doing is he's got me, I call it small time ministry. Nothing that the Lord does is small. Um but I actually have the time now. So when certain people will text or call and say, Hey, I just need a friend, or will you tell me more about Jesus? I'm able to give them an entire morning without looking at the clock. Without thinking, my word, I've got to be doing chores or I should be doing something else. Um, so I don't fully understand what the Lord is calling me to. Right now, it's just that He wants me to rest and just have peace in this season. Um, so that's where things are at.

SPEAKER_01 44:17

I love that. Well, I mean, and I don't love that you had to go through much to slow down. Um, but then it's almost like you have settled into this rest and a new rhythm. And I think so many times as women, you know, it's one of my passions of burning and really helping women change their mindset of rest, is once we get through that difficult time, it's like, oh, we actually can rest. Like we can do it and we can get into a new rhythm. And I just love, I mean, you and I had never sat down for coffee. And I remember when we, you know, went to have our like little time together, we were both in the same place because I didn't have this full-time corporate job, and it was none of this, like, oh, we gotta rush and get back where I think that's where we both were in life. And God's like, no, we're calling you to different things, but then it's so beautiful because then we can't sit with sisters in Christ or people who need, and it's not in this rush or this distraction. So um, I mean, and it takes a lot of I mean, just like it took obedience for you to like start this farm, it takes obedience to slow down and rest too.

SPEAKER_00 45:27

Yeah, and to feel okay with where I'm at. Um, I've always been a worker and a doer, and I think a lot of that has to do. My mom left when I was little, so I've never felt, you know, when the two people who are obligated to love you clearly can't or won't. Um, I spent a lot of my life proving my worth, you know, either through a paycheck or, you know, how hard I can work, what I can produce at the farm. And the Lord is really showing me that it's not about what I can produce, it doesn't matter. Um, so as the enemy is whispering, like, oh, you're doing nothing. You know, look at all these people who are doing so many things and you shut your thing down. The Lord is whispering, no, you're exactly where I want you. You know, you're serving me. And I say it's small time ministry, but winning people for the Lord, there's nothing small about it. Um so that's been a really big, it's been something I have to really think about what I'm thinking about, you know, because so many people told me when they would come out to the farm, they would say, Wow, this is what you were born to do. And I thought, oh my word, I think you're right. And so when the Lord said, I gave that to you and now I want it back, now I'm thinking, Oh, what am I supposed to do? So, but it's nice, like you said, I have that time to figure it out. I have that time to be quiet, um, to do more writing and to just get close with the Lord. My oldest will graduate high school in just a few months. So it's nice to have that time with him for the open house to get him ready over the summer. Um, and I don't I don't know what God has next for me. I can see him working and moving. Um, and as I look back over my entire life and all the bad things that have happened, in every single situation I can see exactly where the Lord was standing. So there wasn't a time that I think, boy, that really sucked, and there really wasn't a point. There always, always was. And so that's what I continue to repeat to the Lord. I don't understand it, but you've never let me down. So I'm gonna continue walking and being quiet. Well, I'm not quiet, but being restful, being a little slower, and I'm just gonna have my hands open to what you put in them next.

SPEAKER_01 47:40

I love that. I think that's a perfect place for us to end. Uh Audrey, thank you so much for coming on the Only God podcast and sharing your story that Only God could write. Yes, thank you for having me. Hey friends, thank you for joining me today on the Only God Podcast. I hope today's story encouraged your faith and reminded you that God is still writing our stories each and every day. If you were inspired by this episode, please share, subscribe, and tell a friend. And to stay connected with me and find out about all my books and resources and events, go to shineforwardcreative.com. Have a fabulous day.