Episode 33: Trusting God in Postpartum, Job Loss, and Working in Women's Health

Ashleigh Peterson shares her recent journey with her work in healthcare, a difficult postpartum season (including a stay in PICU), and trusting God in the process as He works all things together. After landing her dream job working in women’s health, Ashleigh experienced a very hard postpartum with her third child. Shortly after her maternity leave, she was wrongfully let go from her dream job - on Mother’s Day! During this season of postpartum and unemployment, there were many ups & downs, including a stay in the PICU for her third child, who they were not sure would survive. Through all of the trials, God used it to help her start her own business to help women in their motherhood journeys!

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:12

Hey friends, welcome to the Only God podcast, where we share stories only God can write. I'm your host, Stephanie L. Jones. In each episode, we'll dive into powerful testimonies, have great conversations, and encouragement that remind us when the impossible happens, it's only God. Let's get started. Hey friends, it's Stephanie here with another episode of the Only God Podcast, sharing stories, Only God Can Write. And today we're here with my friend Ashley. And uh thank you so much, Ashley, for being on the call. You're so welcome. This is gonna be so fun. I love it. Um, so I always start off with my guest, is to share our Only God connection and how did God connect us?

SPEAKER_00 1:02

So we met from the Harbor Maternity Home. We had our like one-year um like celebration with our advisory team. And Miss Stephanie Jones was our um was our speaker for the evening. I actually I was so bummed because I missed your session in the morning. I couldn't make it in the morning, but then she spoke again in the afternoon, and her story just really spoke to me and actually kind of plays into what I'm gonna be talking about today. Um, and I went up to you and I I think Becky introduced us anyway, but I just thanked you so much for just sharing your story, and it was just so helpful for me. So, and then since then it's just been so great getting to know you more.

SPEAKER_01 1:47

So yeah, and I thank you for sharing that. And uh just a two a couple things. So if you're listening to this, um, the Harbor Maternity Home, we interviewed Gina Wilgis. So if you want more information on that, or you might be sharing about that today, go check out that episode. And then I do love it. I just like as a speaker, um, I really, you know, I let the Holy Spirit lead of what I'm gonna speak on. And it always seems to change. A lot of times I'll get doubts like, why am I talking about this or this Bible verse? And then that evening it was like you and one other person, they're like, I feel like this was just for me. And I'm like, only God, like God gave me the message. Yes. And I also want to say, like to the listener, because you came up and shared that with me. And I think a lot of times we kind of hold back impact or what somebody did or whatever. And so it's just like share, you know, if somebody made an impact in your life, like share that with them because it is important because it's confirming, like, oh, the Holy Spirit gave that to me, and I was just obedient and it was right.

SPEAKER_00 2:50

So, anyway, exactly. Amen. Amen.

SPEAKER_01 2:54

So I just want to open it up uh for you to share your only God story and whatever you want to share.

SPEAKER_00 3:01

Oh boy, how much time do we have? No, I'm kidding. Okay, just kidding. Um, so this goes back, so this goes back probably about a little over a year and a half ago. Um, well, we could go back even further. So I am a family nurse practitioner. I started my career um with a family practice job. It was going to be five days a week. At the time, I had my two oldest, so I have three kids, um, my two oldest, and I was like so worried about um about going to work five days a week. And um in family practice, I just knew how overwhelming it would be, and I just kind of was terrified. But moving forward, long story short, I was only in that job for five months, five or six months, um, because at like the four-month mark, I had a friend reach out to me about my absolute dream job. Um, and it was working in women's health. And so it was like right there was like my, I guess, my step of obedience towards that family nurse practitioner job, just to be like, God, this is not really what I want right now, but I trust you, and this is really scary, and you know my heart for my family, but we're gonna step forward in faith. So my husband and I, of course, prayed over that quite a bit. But so four months in, the friend texted me, and that was like, oh my goodness, I literally responded with, how do I apply like now, you know? And so um, fast forward, the Lord cleaned up some not messy ends, but just cleaned up some things because as a nurse practitioner, you have a um like a non-compete clause, which makes it difficult to like do the same work within a certain radius, anyway. Um, and like signing a contract with that in it was a little scary. Um, so thankfully the Lord was all over that. Only God He cleaned it up beautifully, Stephanie. And um yeah, I actually was really blessed. I got a whole month and it was the month of July off. Um, my little family, we went on a vacation, had wonderful family time together. And then this job that I was taking was three days a week and in something I totally loved. So as a as a nurse, I worked as a postpartum nurse for most of my um RN experience. And that's where I felt like really fell in love with women's health. And so again, just cool how God orchestrated that because I kind of fell into postpartum. I worked as a PEDS ICU nurse at first, and I wanted to um, I had to switch hospitals because I was starting my nurse practitioner degree. Um, and so switching hospitals, getting closer to home when I started school, and I wanted to go into the into the NICU. But at the time, the the hiring director was like, hey, I think you'd get along with the gals on postpartum. And I remember being a little grumbly about it and being like, well, this isn't really what I want to do. And then again, God shows up because he, it's just so funny now because it's like that's exactly where the path that he was having me on.

SPEAKER_01 6:13

So yeah, can I pause that? Because I think that's important of sometimes it's like you have your own path and your vision where you want to go. And then it's like one little wrinkle. Well, you think it's a wrinkle, and it's instead of like immediately trusting, I feel like we all do this instead of like, okay, God, you're steering different. It's like, man, I really want to be over here. And then you get to see you like, oh, okay, God, thank you.

SPEAKER_00 6:41

Right? And praise God for that. Like, praise God for his grace during that. Because and it's so funny now because I get to parent my children that complain, but they don't get to see the whole picture, you know. So reminding myself of grace for myself and for my kids. Yeah, I love that. So yeah, no, but that's so I'm so glad you pointed that out, Stephanie, because that's so it's so true. And that's why it's also so great to have um women and men alongside of you to speak into you in those times too, you know, to remind you of truth, um, that God is sovereign through my whole like only God story that I'm sharing. God's sovereignty has just been like completely on blast for me. So that's been really fun to see and just learn more about Him with that. So so, so fast forward again. So I'm working in women's health three days a week. Fantastic. Um, soon after I started, we got pregnant with our third. Um, so I worked there um like gosh, I think it was like 10 months, 10 or 11 months. Um, and then I had um my son, and that was wonderful. It was so fun, you know, getting to work in a women's health office while I'm pregnant. Um, and it was just, it was just awesome. And I I so loved seeing um pregnant mamas and postpartum mamas. I mean, I saw kind of everything, but um that was just really sweet for me during that. Um, and then my third was born and it was really, really, really difficult. He um our first two babies were kind of normal, good babies, you know, whatever you want to call that. Um, and our third was really hard. So my third um postpartum was really, really difficult, lots of um lack of sleep. Um, he was colicky, a lot of things. So um I ended up going back to work after, you know, 12 weeks or so. And right before, sorry, I'm going out of order. Right before, right before he was born, um, our office got um um merged, I should say, merged with a bigger healthcare system. So we were no longer private practice. Um, we were now a um part of a bigger um healthcare system. Um and so there were, you know, changes usually hard, change is usually not super easy. Um, but there were there were some things I'm not gonna go into detail, but some things that I personally and um the spiritual side of me um really struggled with um some of the changes, I'll say. So I'm hearing all about kind of the difficulties while I'm on my postpartum and I'm having a difficult postpartum because I'm, you know, connected with my coworkers. Um, and then I went back and I was back for three weeks. Long story short, um, I was let go. So we had just bought a new van for our family of five now. Um, it was on Mother's Day, so back in May, and I was in complete shock. I it was, you know, it was everything I wanted. I loved this job. I loved what I did. I loved that it was three days a week and then I could be with my family. There was just it was all perfect. In my mind, in my world, it was everything was perfect. And so that was horrible. You know, it was I was in shock for a little while. Of course, really hurt.

SPEAKER_01 10:17

Like, did you see it coming or no?

SPEAKER_00 10:21

What there was there was like a meeting with the bigger healthcare system, and we got to share some thoughts. Um, and I will say I am a very passionate person. Um, so I shared some things passionately, and it did not go well in my favor. Um, but it was also, again, God showing up in that way too, because afterwards I struggled with a lot of shame. You know, looking back now, it's like I it it really wasn't worth me getting fired over. Um like my how I passionately shared my thoughts. Um, but uh it's also kind of shaped how I approach discipline with my kids. Again, just so many things that God like used a moment of we moment of weakness or you know, something I struggled with, and how it's just it, it was not pretty for a while, that's for sure. You know, I struggled a lot with with shame, or even just like, God, like I know you put me in that office to to spread your word, and I was doing that, and I was getting co-workers excited about potentially coming to our church, or just, you know, they would make jokes about me um like talking about Bible stories or whatever, but it was always, you know, lighthearted. And so um, so I just knew that like God was at work, and so I a lot of confusion lick, God, why? You know, just a lot of whys. Um, and so then fast forward, like I don't know, maybe like a month. I mean, almost right away, we had three kids in daycare, so we're paying for three kids in daycare. So that was the other scary part too. Financially, like, what are we gonna do? And so it was like, oh, so this is where your story that you shared like really came into play. Um, it was like, okay, are we let's go find another job. Um, you know, but I'm not gonna work full time, I'm not going back to full time, especially now with three kids. Um, and I had one opportunity, was gonna go with that, and then a different opportunity arose, and I took that one, and then 10 days later, that one fell through. And it was just like, again, God, like what is happening? Again, could that was like that one hurt? Like that one was a big, was a big struggle, and a lot of like, again, God, why? So Can I pause there too? Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_01 13:00

I just want to say, like, I love that you're being honest that you are questioning God and you were asking why. I think so many times we see that as a weakness, or we don't love God, or we don't whatever, fill in the blank. And then I think, you know, going back to what you talked about, like the shame is we start going in this cycle of shame, guilt, all this stuff. And God's like, no, it's okay. I can handle you questioning me. And so thank you for sharing that because I think there's so many that do walk around whatever they're going through in their life and they're questioning God, but then it's like they're beating themselves up for questioning God. So I just wanted to like point that out. If somebody's listening to this, to be like, it's okay to say, why God? Like he's he can handle you questioning what he's gonna do. Yes. So, anyways, let's go ahead.

SPEAKER_00 13:55

Yeah, and that's so good too, Stephanie, too, because yeah, that's a heavy weight to carry when you are questioning but feeling like you can't. Um, and I think it is important too to point that out. That it's so important to, even if you're struggling with that, to bring it to him, too, you know, not just grumble here or to your husband, to your friends, but to be able to bring that to him, I think, I think ultimately does glorify and honor him too. Yeah, I love that. Continue on. I just want to pause there. No, I love that. That was that was great. So this is starting to be like, I think it was like Thanksgiving time. Um, and I was starting to get an inkling of wanting to open my own business. Um, and it was gonna be like women's health and wellness and um uh like postpartum care because because of my struggle in my third postpartum, um, and I worked in a women's health office, I just got to see from both sides just the gap in care for postpartum moms. Um, and just in our society, just how it's different here, maybe than in all other cultures. Um, so was very passionate about that and offering like mental, um, like mental support. Um, but it if I opened my own business, I'd get to do it like my way, like biblically. I'd get to like have it rooted in scripture and not like have to worry about that essentially, which I guess I wasn't really super worried before, but um anyway, so that started to be an idea, and then the it went through December and it was like, okay, it feels like the Lord's leading me here. And then I paid for my LLC on January 2nd of 2025, and then on January 3rd of 2025, my youngest at seven months old was taken to the ER for um RSV, uh respiratory central, I can't even say it's essential virus. Um, and then we we stayed one night at a local hospital, then we got moved to the PICU that I worked at, my very first job. Um, so again, full circle, not fun moment, but um God was so present there through all of the providers and the nurses. I still had some old co-workers that were there. Um and we were in the PICU for 10 days. He thankfully, he thankfully never had to be intubated. He did have like kind of one step down from that. There were a couple times we were about to intubate him, but um again, it was just so uh cool. I'll say cool now, um, seeing how God just again orchestrated everything that he gave me experience. Like I used to take care of RSV babies all the time. And so just like how kind of him to give me the mental knowledge, um, just to like know that I'm taking care of so many babies, I know he's gonna be okay. Um, although the first or it was the first night, I think, in the PICU, I had not slept at all the night before when we were at the other hospital. Um, I spoke to my best friend on the phone and I said, I don't know, I'm I'm fairly certain Benji will survive, but if he dies, I don't know if I can say that God is good. And that like that was so hard, obviously. Um but praise the Lord, He protected him. I guess I should give some background. We lost a nephew during um during delivery, um, before my first was born. Or excuse me, it was three months after my first was born. Um so that obviously has always been part of our lives and part of our heart. So um I got to see how my sister-in-law walked through that, um, and also how we walked alongside her, but then also just like our own coping. Um, so it was just kind of this raw moment of seeing what my sister-in-law had walked through, you know how many years prior, um, and just being like at like on my knees, like God please save him, essentially. Um, so that's a little bit magnifying glass on the one part of the story. But so praise God, he healed him. We got to leave the pick you. It was a great day after 10 days. Um, and during that time, too, a couple of my old coworkers had just Venmoed me a good amount of money. It was a decent amount of money, and I was just like, you know, just so touched by that. And that was like almost the first picture of God providing for us. Again, we were so fearful of, and now we have hospital bills to pay for, you know, I don't have a job. I'm, you know, all of these things. And so my husband and I tried to make wise decisions financially. We decided to keep our kids in the daycare that they had been in. Our daycare was also such a blessing to us. They, they kind of helped us out in some ways. Um, praise God for that. So, even through them, like God provided for us through them. And then I decided to teach clinicals at the university here for nursing, and that helped. It essentially kind of just like was a wash for um for the spring. But this was also when I started to see a few ladies with my business. Um and it was, it was going, it was going fine. It was nothing like blow your socks off. Um, but I I felt like I was helping and I was so eager to help. But you know, now that I'm a year out from starting that business, I think God um just had other plans for me in the business. You know, I envision it like, all right, I'm gonna grow and get to care for all these women, and I I have all the this knowledge and skill set, whatever. Um, but apparently God, you know, is just showing that he has a different plan. Um, but so so at this point, he's providing, it's blowing our socks off. Come June, um, I think it was around June, we took the kids out of daycare. Um, it just kind of became clear that it was just not like we weren't in a spot where we wanted me to just take whatever job. Um again, I'm a very passionate person and I need to have I need to have passion for like what I'm doing, um, or else I will peter out and whatever. Um so yeah, so we ended up just taking the kids out of daycare. And again, that was such a hard decision, Stephanie, because it was like, well, what if in a week my dream job like pops up out of nowhere and then we don't have daycare? And how are how are we gonna get my kids back in daycare? You know, that was a very heavy weight that we carried for a long time. That finally we were like, okay, God, nothing has like shown up yet, so we're gonna pause, you know. And then we it was just such a sweet time again. How God provided, not monetarily, but just the joy with my kids last summer, just getting to be together and essentially carefree. You know, we got to go to the beach and just have those fun experiences. And I was just so grateful for that time. And then this yes, it was such a gift. Oh my goodness. And then this fall came, this past fall. Um, and I taught a couple clinicals and or I taught like three clinicals, and my mom was able to. Help watch our kids. And so that was something that wasn't up like possible before. So again, like God just providing. Yeah. Yes. Oh my goodness. Um, and here and there, my mom loves to travel. So here and there, you know, she couldn't watch them, but we were able to pay like my best friend to watch our kids kind of thing. Um, and it's just it's it's cool that we're talking today, actually. Again, God is just one. Oh my God. Yes, exactly. Oh my goodness. Because I'm now in a spot where um I will be, well, hopefully soon. I should be, I should I should say should be, um, accepting a job with the university um starting in the fall. And then um just last night kind of confirmed something else that will help keep up my NP certification, but it's um it'll be like not many hours a week and something I've kind of done before. So God just it's just wild to me how I get very I'm sure no one else is like this, but I get very, yeah, I get very worked up, like, oh my goodness, okay, what's you know, I'm type A, come on. Okay, okay, like let's figure out all the ducks, have them all, let's have a plan, you know. And so to be able to take that breath and just open my hands and surrender different times of this path has been only God because that he has really worked on my heart in this past what like year and a half. Really worked on my heart, but he has just so beautifully shown me his character in so many different ways in the past 18 months. Um, the different relationships I've gotten to build. Um, and then with the harbor, um last July, Gina had asked if I wanted to be the president. And I was like, what? Me? I um but I knew nothing about nonprofits, you know. So that God has provided a lot of learning opportunities. We'll say that, but just and a wonderful board that she's put together, and and that has been such a blessing. And then you probably know within the past couple weeks, I think it was like two weeks ago, we housed our first mama, or it was a week and a half ago.

SPEAKER_01 24:27

Which has housed our first mama.

SPEAKER_00 24:28

Amazing. It's like I was crying. Yes. So that and Stephanie, just to like see it like from the beginning. I mean, this that started, you know, technically January, maybe December of December 24, January 25. Um, just to see how God has worked through all of the volunteers and all of the board members and just all of this time and energy, and then just to like see it come to fruition was was so fulfilling and uh emotional and so awesome. And again, that was only God. He just he brought the right people, he's put together a wonderful team. Um, I'm just so grateful to be a part of it.

SPEAKER_01 25:20

Well, I feel like a couple of things that you've said is just one, um, I am a big advocate. And I don't know if you do this, but I'm just thinking of this of like writing down those things that God has done. I mean, you know, you've shared this beautiful story, which is one of the reasons why I wanted to do the podcast and share people's stories because it gives you an opportunity to look back and go, okay, God provided here. God gave me a friend to support me when I was in my darkest hours, like all these different God-made connections. And I think sometimes we forget that. And it's like, I feel like he gives it to us because then when we go to through the next thing, he's like, Remember what I did? And you talked about like that anxiousness, that what if, that what if? And God's like, wait, pause. Remember, I took care of you here. Yes, why wouldn't I do it now? So I think that's just like one thing that I thought about. And then the two is um, you know, kind of rolling little back of you said, you know, you had two coworkers that sent you money. And I just like, if you're listening to this and the Lord lays on your heart to give somebody financially or food or time, you know, you talked about your mom, your friend, is even if it is a sacrifice for you, or even if you're like, Lord, I don't even really have much, is that's how God works and that's how prayers are answered. And he lays things on our hearts to give, and he provides through others. And I think you've just shown like all these beautiful ways that friends have showed up to provide, whether it's a listening ear, whether it's helping with the kids, whether it's financially to get you through this time. Um, anyways, I just so beautiful. But also like being obedient.

SPEAKER_00 27:14

Yes, and that's so good too, because but the journal journaling, I so encourage journal journaling, like writing it down for that exact reason. Um, I should probably journal more often. I stopped journaling a little bit ago. Um, the but I have this podcast to record it, right? Oh, exactly. We'll just transcribe it. Exactly. Um with the friends providing. Oh, I was gonna say too, Stephanie. In my postpartum, when it was so so difficult in that first like three, four months. Um it was interesting because again, I I was I was brought up kind of this sounds extreme or maybe too harsh, but I was brought up to um to like not be allowed to need something in a sense. My my mother was wonderful and is is still wonderful, and I love her so much, but she was also a strong, independent woman, and that might be where I get some of my qualities from. But I think it was um, you know, it was also just vulnerable to need something. Um, and so even getting to walk through that time for me right now. I'm encouraging one of my good friends who has some similar characteristics of like, no, please accept help because it's just and that's what God created us for is community to bear one another's burdens. And we can't allow, like, we we need to allow others to bless us because that's also a blessing to them. Um, but I will say in that first three to four months, my like two go-to people um had their own like heavy things that they were walking through. So it was kind of a time where I felt even more isolated than usual. Um, but I think God did that on purpose because he wanted to be like, look at me.

SPEAKER_01 29:13

Right. You're relying on your eyes on yes. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 29:16

Yes, like, yes, Ashley, I will work through people and bless you, but I need you to be looking at me right now. Um, and honestly, I again, it was really hard. I cried a lot, but I had a hope. I had a hope in God that again, He had allowed me to be involved in Bible studies at church and in some women communities and mom communities at church before this time. So I had a hope in God that that I was gonna make it through. Like, yeah, this is my trial, and I'm probably not walking it super well right now. But I I know, I know God's gonna pull us through this. Um, but it's hard, you know, it's still so hard in that time.

SPEAKER_01 30:00

But yeah, it's like you can't see out of that. No, I'm glad you did, and I'm glad you're being like real because I think sometimes we can act like, oh, everything was hunky dory. I just knew I was just like standing firm. I wasn't crying, I wasn't breaking down, you know, and it's like, no, and all of that is like okay, and it's natural, and that's how God created us. We're human, we're broken, and um, and then, but I do feel like it's like he's still constantly turning us back to him because we do have a heart for him and a heart to be connected. Um, and so I like I appreciate you, you know, sharing that piece. Yes, I think also.

SPEAKER_00 30:43

And I I do have another part of this, but again, he just keeps providing. There's probably a million things that I've not talked about, but one in particular, I was so excited. My husband and I were gonna go on a mission trip together with our church in June of 25. But Benji had been hospitalized, and it just was like God is telling me to stay home. So I sent my husband on the trip, and it was amazing for him. Right, exactly. But I like I was kind of the one I've been wanting to do a mission trip through our church for a long time, but you know, we've been busy having babies. Um, so um, so that was one way that I again had to surrender what I wanted to do, and I was so excited for my husband to get to go because he had not been on a mission trip before. Um, so it was just so cool to see how God like worked through him from that, even since then, too. Um, but then we again, God is so sovereign. I didn't go anywhere last year, and then last summer, the leader for our Uganda trip reached out to me and was like, Hey, we went to Uganda this June. Um, but we want to make a medical trip, we wanted to make a medical mission trip for next year. You want to come? And I was like, Uganda, you know, um uh halfway across the world, again, I have three young kids. It was just like, I don't know if I want to. But then very, very soon after, God was like, no, this is where I'm calling you to go. So fast forward, you know, we we have the opportunity to fundraise, um, which for some people can be really scary. I kind of walked into it very like, no, and I had done this before. Um, but I'm like, no, God's going to provide, you know, and he sure did, Stephanie, because I was, you know, fundraising, fundraising, doing different things. My mother-in-law had made bracelets for me that I could sell to help fundraise. Um, and then there was a day where a lady who wants to remain anonymous um messages me on Facebook and um she said, I just shared a post, and she had said, Hey, I just saw your post on Facebook and like what you said, Stephanie. She goes, I just felt God telling me to finish like your fundraising, and so I'm gonna do it. And I I was laughing and crying because there was there was still$1,455 left that she covered the rest of it. And I was just like, you know, and I I know them personally. Um, and they're you know, they're not super rich driving around in Lamborghinis, you know. Um, and so I was just so incredibly blessed and humbled, and then just like re-rejuvenated and like fired up. Um, and then it's just again, the blessings just keep going because I was able to then take the money from selling the bracelets that my mother-in-law had made me to then bless. There's a VU student going with us, and we actually are getting to meet. There's like a Lenten program at VU, but we're meeting right now, like every week. And so um, I got to bless her with like the the surplus of bracelet money. So it's just like God is so cool. Like God is just making this. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 34:07

Also, like what like that one lady's obedience then creates this surplus to then show this student, this young woman, of like, look, God will provide. Like, He provided for me, He provided me a surplus, but then you were obedient and not being greedy with it or like, oh, let's do this with it, whatever. You know, we all we all have free will and we all have choices, and it's like, no, like this was still the heart, this was still the mission. And so again, God, the provider providing for her to like making that way, and I just yeah, I love it, and I love all the giving.

SPEAKER_00 34:50

Yes, right. I know you do. That's perfect.

SPEAKER_01 34:54

Oh, I want to say something going back to that you talked about on the giving of like even that 1400 is you know, that's a really big gift. And to receive that, was that difficult to even receive or did you have any thoughts of like, no, you don't have to do this? Like, I know other people will come in. Like, did you have that thought?

SPEAKER_00 35:18

That exact thought of, oh, but there's other people that can help too. Like, don't don't worry about it, kind of thing. Absolutely, and yeah, like I met her in person. We were crossing paths anyway, trying to keep her anonymous. And um, and so when she handed it to me, you know, I felt kind of weird. I was just like, like, what's in this envelope, you know, kind of thing. Um, and honestly, I even had my brain was like psyching me out. I was like, no, it's probably just like$14.55 that she's giving you, you know. Oh my goodness, it's so silly. Isn't that the devil? Like, oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_01 35:57

Well, and that's just I wanted to ask you that, and I wanted to talk about because you talked a little earlier, is I did not realize this might be men, but I think it is really women. And I saw this on my giving journey over and over again, you know, because I was giving a gift every day. So I got to see this repeated of trying to give people stuff, and I'm like, oh my gosh, people are terrible receivers. Receiving. Then I realized I was a bad receiver. And then what I realized is when we start to push that gift away of no, I don't need it, I don't want it, is then we rob that person of the joy of them trying to give, and we start putting like expectations on that gift. Well, they probably feel guilty, they probably don't, and these, like you said, is like all these lies from the devil came in. Yes, and what I realized of like giving a gift every day was my intentions were good. They were like, I truly just wanted to give somebody, and then it was like reminding me of no, the majority of people who are giving to us, their intentions are good, and don't steal that joy, don't rob that from them. Of just, I don't know how many times, like when people are literally battling me of when I'm trying to give something, and it's like just say thank you. Just be grateful, you know? Like, yes, and so, anyways, I wanted to bring that up because I feel like you've touched on it twice of like this receiver, and whoever is listening to this is if you're struggling with like the receiver, is be like, no, really teach yourself of it's okay. We can, yeah. And it might go back to, I don't know, you said it earlier, like being that independent person. I can take care of myself.

SPEAKER_00 37:45

And it's like, Stephanie, isn't it like, isn't that reflecting what we understand about grace, like what we understand about how, like what Jesus did for us, you know, like doesn't that, you know, and that's where it's shown up in my life a few times where it's like, I need to work on that, you know. I don't think I'll ever perfectly understand the love and the grace of God. I don't think that's possible on this side of heaven, but I I want to understand it better because I know that that will then overflow into all of the relationships I have and all of the jobs that I do. Um, but yeah, and I think, but what like a beautiful like time that we can encourage others, like can remind them of well, remember what you know God gave you. And are you like, are you pushing away God's grace or God's love for you like in that way?

SPEAKER_01 38:42

The worthiness. Like, do we feel worthy of that? Um, oh, I love it. I love it. Um, is there any other other stories or anything that you didn't share that you would like to share?

SPEAKER_00 38:57

Oh my goodness. Everything. No, I'm kidding. Um, the one last thing I will say, Stephanie, is I grew up with a working mom. Um, and she not by choice, like she had to work. I had a dad too. We kind of have a tough relationship right now, but um so I always grew up with a working mom. She was always present. She threw the best birthday parties before Pinterest even existed. Love her. Um, but that's kind of just what I expected for me, too, was I'm gonna be a working mom. Um, and then I had kids, and that kind of changed. And um, again, that three-day a week was just like perfect for me, perfect for our family. It was fantastic. Um but again, God knowing our hearts, it took me a while to kind of get there, but to be incredibly grateful that um, I mean, I do see where he kind of protected me by me losing that job um for certain reasons. Um, but I'm so grateful because I had had a heart um in the the few years prior getting to be involved again with church, with momco at our church um and Bible studies while I was in school. I was getting that extra time to like soak in the Lord and be with other people just to talk about that. Um, and so I wanted to be a mom that was I didn't expend all of my energy at work and then come home with nothing for my family. And I think God honored that that good desire in my heart in a way that I didn't really expect. So it took me a while to be grateful for it. But there was finally one day where the Holy Spirit was like, Ashley, pay attention. And I was like, oh my goodness, Lord, like you knew that was in my heart for a long time. And I'm just I'm just so grateful for this time that I've had. So praise God.

SPEAKER_01 40:59

Oh, I love it. Well, thank you so much for being on the Only God podcast and sharing your story today. And I just know it's going to encourage, inspire somebody um who may be walking through a similar path. So thank you so much for being here today.

SPEAKER_00 41:17

You're so welcome.

SPEAKER_01 41:18

Thanks so much for having me. Hey friends, thank you for joining me today on the Only God podcast. I hope today's story encouraged your faith and reminded you that God is still writing our stories each and every day. If you were inspired by this episode, please share, subscribe, and tell a friend. And to stay connected with me and find out about all my books and resources and events, go to shineforwardcreative.com. Have a fabulous day.